by Greg Sharp

It seems that you can’t look anywhere on television without seeing a commercial or on social media without ending up down a worm hole of comments and discussion about a certain movie to be released tomorrow. I thought I would help you to avoid the nonsense by giving you some ideas to fill your weekend with alternative activities.

  1. Get a haircut. You’ve been meaning to for a while anyway. No time like the present. And you look like a hippie.
  2. Wash your dog. You probably don’t notice it because you live with her, but your dog smells weird. She needs a bath.
  3. Read a book. But not 50 Shades of Gray. That would defeat the purpose of this exercise. Maybe read To Kill a Mockingbird. There’s a sequel coming out if you haven’t heard and you’re not going to want to be a whole book behind.
  4. Get your wife something for Valentine’s Day. And make sure it’s better than what she got for you. You don’t want to lose Valentine’s Day. Go big or go sleep on the couch.
  5. Make Siri say funny things. Go ahead, tell her to sing for you. You’ll be glad you did. Then you can turn her back off. She doesn’t really work for anything else.
  6. Make something out of paper mache. It could be fun. Also, the smell of the paste takes me back to my 5th grade art class with Mrs. Gusloff. I made a tribal mask. I still wear it from time to time when I want the kids to leave me alone.
  7. Go ice skating. In July when it’s 108 in the shade, you’ll think, “boy, do I wish I could go ice skating.” Well here’s your chance.
  8. Go visit the Common Cup. They have yummy latte’s according to my wife. I’m more of a tea guy myself, but they have that too!
  9. Alphabetize your sock drawer. Argyle socks on the left, whites to the right. Black, blues, carmines and more in the middle.
  10. Do your homework. This one is mostly just for my kids. They’ll try to wait until Sunday night, but they should probably do it now so I don’t have to run to Meijer at 11 p.m. on Sunday night looking for paper mache supplies.
  11. Fondue party. Just kidding. Fondue is disgusting.
  12. Eat Ice Cream. Yeah I know it’s cold outside. But ice cream is God’s way of telling us He wants us to be happy. And chubby.
  13. Find your take-home worship sheets from last Sunday. Don’t you like those nifty comic book covers? Did you know there’s prayers inside? Who knew?!
  14. Write a Yelp review of the place where you got your haircut. They need a negative review! You said “an inch off.” Not “an inch long.” Now you look like you’re ready for boot camp.
  15. Learn how to print a PDF. This one is really just for Dan Flynn. After I don’t work at St. Luke anymore, to whom will Dan turn to help him print documents? Probably Becky Majesky. Unless he learns how to do it on his own!
  16. Learn the ancient art of bonsai. It’s really fun. You trim your little tree. Then you trim some more. Then you trim some more and the tree dies and you buy another one.
  17. Go for a walk. It will have to be short. It’s really cold outside. But the act of bundling up with your mittens and scarf and 4 layers and a coat counts as exercise.
  18. Build a fort. Seriously. It’s still as fun as you remember.
  19. Go bowling. You always meet interesting people when you go bowling. Like the guy whose job it is to give you your shoes. He takes one of your real shoes because he thinks you want to steal his beautiful multi-colored bowling shoes.
  20. Game night. Nothing brings the family together like finding out which of you will even cheat at Scrabble. I don’t care what you say, Zarz is not a word!!!
  21. Karaoke. Do you love Journey’s song Don’t Stop Believing? You won’t after you hear your uncle sing it.
  22. Go skiing. Nothing like hurtling down the side of a mountain at mach 3 to really get you in the mood for thanking God for all you have on Sunday morning. It really puts life in perspective.
  23. Bake cookies. And deliver them to my house.
  24. Go to a museum. And while you’re there, try to name all the untitled paintings.
  25. Comment on your acquaintances old Facebook photos. They will wonder why anyone is looking at things they posted in 2009 but it’s fun to keep people guessing.
  26. Organize all your photos. You took 4000 photos last month. Most of them are pictures of your lunch. You should probably do something with them.
  27. Run to the grocery store. You need a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.
  28. Make really obscure Sesame Street references.
  29. Tickle fight. It doesn’t even have to be with someone you know. Go tickle a stranger. They probably won’t like it, but at least you’ve given someone a story they’ll tell their friends for the rest of their lives about the time a total stranger came up to them at the mall and started tickling them. That’s a pretty great gift to give someone.