By Jennifer Hopwood

As I sit to write this article, I am just happy that Jack, my 4-year-old, is not throwing up again today.

Yesterday he threw up multiple times including on my couch, blankets, carpet, and once (I got lucky) on the hardwood floor, making it easier to clean up. Vomit-5, Mommy-1.

Thankfully, around noon he announced, “I’m not going to puke any more today” and he didn’t. I am almost certain he got a little bug from a popular play place in town which shall remain anonymous. The poor kid doesn’t understand the concept of giving notice so I can at least grab a bucket—and then all of the sudden … blah!!!

In the last two months, I have lost two grandparents, tried to celebrate Christmas, had the flu go through everyone in my house except my husband, and then there was the puking yesterday. Did I mention I had to host a party for 190 people at my house the day after my grandma died?

And the snow days … I won’t even start. I just want things to be back to “normal.” I have not taken the time to grieve for my grandparents. The holidays, sickness, and life in general raising two boys have been so crazy that I just haven’t had time to process it all.

Then out of nowhere as I was finally putting picture frames back on the mantel (after finally getting my Christmas stuff down), I started crying seeing a picture of my grandma. I know it hasn’t quite hit me that she is gone.

We were very close and I am so sad that she isn’t here to see my kids grow up for a little while longer. I am sad that their memories will probably fade. When she had a heart attack a few years ago she told me the only reason she wanted to live was so that Hunter would be old enough to remember her.

I know she loved us so much and I miss her terribly when I do have some quiet time to think about it.

Gosh, my life has plain and simply been a complete, messy disaster this winter, and the more I type the more sorry for myself I start to feel! On top of it all, I am also struggling with feeling like I’m just not sure if my family is complete. I have been praying a lot for clarity on this.

I know the path I would like to take, but am not sure my husband is on board. He wants to make me happy, but tends to be more conservative when it comes to taking leaps of faith. I am still waiting to hear God say, “Yes, go and do this.”

Time will tell; I know God already knows the plan and I’m OK with that. I have been so blessed in so many ways and know that life is not always easy—and this is just one of those times.

2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”