By Miriam Rossow
I think we all want to be desired. Little girls imagine a Prince on a white horse searching for her high and low because he is head over heels in love. Little boys want to be the prince who rescues and is then loved by the princess. We want to be in the ‘popular’ group, whatever we think that is or at least we want to be liked by people. We enjoy a good story where love and hope prevail.
Our desires might not be as crazy as the fairy tales but I know that I can cry over a beautiful love story where love and desire for the relationship wins over the evil presence. I know that I want my husband to desire me. I know I want his eyes to be looking at me. I want him to notice when I look good. I want him to notice when I am upset. I want him to make me happy. And I know my husband wants me to desire him. He wants to know that I think he is handsome. He wants to know that I need him. He wants me to find him attractive.
Even if you are not married or don’t have dreams of being married I think you understand and want to be desired. We want our friends to like us and to want to spend time with us. Our feelings get hurt when we are rejected. We feel empathy for those who are outcasts and forgotten. Our hearts break when someone is heart broken. We all want to be desired.
We all want to be desired.
God created that desire in us. Remember at the beginning of time Adam was created from the dust, he named all the animals, but something was not right. He was living in the perfect creation, and yet a suitable helpmate was not found for him. God created Eve out of Adam’s rib and now Adam had a helpmate by his side. He had a companion who desired him. God choose to create these two to be put together and to become one flesh. This is where we get the verses often repeated at weddings. ”Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and unashamed.” Genesis 2:24-25
Unfortunately, directly after this beautiful account of perfect love we have the fall into sin. (I don’t know that it happened immediately but it did happen.) And so now our desires are pulled in two directions one of dependence and one of independence. Heidi Goehmann speaks of this during the week 3 video of her Altogether Beautiful bible study. She talks about how with sin in the world the desire to be wanted and loved and cared for has pulls against the desire to be independent and strong and self sufficient. There is a polarity between these two and neither is wrong or evil in and of itself. We can feel this when as women we don’t want to be ‘ruled’ over or be ‘chained’ to someone. At the same time we want to be cared for and swooned over. We want to be able to take care of ourselves and we want someone to take care of us. We are pulled between two desires.
We want to be able to take care of ourselves and we want someone to take care of us. We are pulled between two desires.
This pull makes it difficult to understand or deal with desire. The beautiful thing is that God created desire and He can fill it. The desire that Adam and Eve had for each other was a perfect desire that actually pointed them back to their creator. Adam needed Eve and Eve needed Adam. They walked with each other and with God in that perfect garden in a scene that had desire swirling all around. They were naked and unashamed.
Adam and Eve didn’t need to hide their desire out of shame they were able to share it fully and be fulfilled. When Jesus comes again and we receive the new creation we will walk again in relationships that are without shame and are full of perfect desire. Until Jesus comes again and we receive that new creation God has given us each other in relationship and He stirs our desire to be pointed towards Him.