By a St. Luke member
I’ve always loved and sometimes followed after various adventures through the years. But deep down in my heart, I just wanted a simple life; to be a wife to a wonderful guy and a mom to a brood of kids. Wow, did I mess that one up!
I had a good upbringing, and I was “churched” too. But, through a series of bad choices and being in the wrong place at the wrong times, I ended up with more than one surprise pregnancy. Abortion had just become legal when I had my first. Back then, I really believed the laws were made to protect us. So I figured an abortion could not be such a bad decision, rather a step in taking responsibility for a “situation” I had gotten myself into. What a lie!
Through a series of bad choices and being in the wrong place at the wrong times, I ended up with more than one surprise pregnancy.
Once I made that choice to terminate my pregnancy, something inside me turned off. I had always trusted my intuition, but it began to grow very dim. What I know today is that I began shutting the Lord out as my life was spinning out of control. Never once did I think I was killing my baby!
The day I woke up to that lie was the day after the Lord Jesus flooded my life with more of His Holy Spirit, more of that same Spirit with which I had been baptized as a baby, that same Spirit I had shut out of my life when I became sexually active outside of God’s perfect design for me.
My eyes, my heart, and my past opened before me and I was in deep emotional trouble. That bittersweet journey of facing my past and moving on to forgiveness and wholeness was something I could do only with the Lord and His people. And He set things up in my life to achieve exactly that purpose. Within weeks I was ushered into a Post Abortion Bible study that immersed me in God’s Word that changed me from the inside out. It became the balm of Gilead to my hurting soul.
That bittersweet journey of facing my past and moving on to forgiveness and wholeness was something I could do only with the Lord and His people.
I would be deceiving myself and not truthful to you if I said I don’t still have major regrets or still feel the sting of my choices. In fact, sometimes that deep sadness still visits and brings a flood of tears. Like one day I was in our narthex listening to a friend tell her experiences years ago outside of her neighborhood’s abortion clinic (it’s closed now!). It was something I had never known about her. She was one of those! One of those protesters! I couldn’t believe it.
She was raising and home schooling her babies less than 2 blocks from that clinic where she could see the abortionist come and go on procedure days. She learned when those open clinic days were and she would run to meet the girls outside to try and talk some sense into their heads and hearts, hoping to change their minds.
As she spoke, I heard and felt the compassion she had for those girls like they were her own daughters… the babies they were carrying in their wombs like her own grandchildren. Before I could say anything, my eyes had flooded and I just blurted out, “If only someone like you had been there before I walked through those doors, someone who cared to speak the truth; maybe I would have done something different.” I said that!? Oh, that deep sadness briefly filled my spirit again.
But, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!” and I am now so very grateful for those tears; I’m no longer numb and those choices I made in the past can no longer control me. God’s Word, His forgiveness, and His amazing grace were able to enter into that too!
“You turned my wailing into dancing: you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” –Psalm 30:11-12
While wrestling with the Lord regarding how to share this Post Abortion Bible study offering with our congregation, Psalm 30 was laid on my spirit because it spoke directly to me. This is what the Lord prompted me to tell you who may also need His touch in your wounded spirit.
For more information about ArborVitae and the bible study, A Season for Healing, and other services offered to women and men contact 734.994.8863 ext. 14 or email a counselor for a confidential consultation. This bible study starts Tuesday, September 30.
From one St. Luke worshiper to another, if you’re hurting, do the study!