What’s In It For Me?

By Greg Sharp

Can you think of a time—or seven or 70 times—when your worship time has brought you to a place of intimacy with God? It might have been during a song that spoke to your heart, or a spoken word that seemed to be just for you. Or maybe it was during your quiet time when you felt God’s presence in the room and an overwhelming peace or understanding over something that had been weighing on you.

God is present in worship and seeks to reveal Himself to us in a variety of ways.

We were created to worship and often that feeling of God’s presence is addictive. There have been many times when I could not wait Sunday morning for my next fix. For me, some days that longing is palpable—suffocating almost—like feeling incomplete.

That yearning I have for God brought me to a place a while back that has stuck with me.

I had just started my job here at St. Luke, which was an answer to prayer, and I did not feel at all neglected by God in that sense. Personally, things were going well for me. Family was great. Even my health was at a period of relative stability, and those of you that know me probably are aware that my body is a bit of a delicate ecosystem, so that was a big deal.

In fact, in the weeks surrounding this story, I don’t think I could point to any one particular part of my life that had me down.

Nevertheless, for about three consecutive Sundays, I walked out of church feeling as if I was a fraud of a worship leader. A phony. Or worse… Forgotten.

Nevertheless, for about three consecutive Sundays, I walked out of church feeling as if I was a fraud of a worship leader. A phony. Or worse… Forgotten.

After about the third week of feeling apart from God—or maybe four—I finished up leading a worship service and I just felt like I had just gone through the motions. We played our songs. I sang out loud. And it all went fine, don’t get me wrong.

I can remember several people sharing with me that they were moved that week and the song choices were great and so on. It seemed like there were even more encouraging comments than a typical Sunday.

In fact, one member shared with me as we were walking together through the parking lot how the last song brought his elderly father to tears. I thanked him for his kind words, but on the inside, all I could think was, “well at least someone got something out of this. But what about me? What’s in it for me?”

That was the clincher for me. I really felt as if God was trying to make a point and I didn’t like it. It was almost as if He was rubbing it in my face. “See? They all got something out of it. Why didn’t you?!”

On the way home, I told my wife Becky about what I was thinking and actually broke down as I spoke the words. I told her how the feelings of loneliness made me think of a time when I was a kid and I invited one friend of mine over to my house, and my next door neighbor came over to play with us. They didn’t know each other until I introduced them to each other.

The two of them went off and played without me. I was the third wheel at my own home.

The two of them went off and played without me. I was the third wheel at my own home.

In the same sense, I was feeling left out of worship while others seemed to meet Him, and couldn’t help wonder what God was trying to tell me. As it nagged me throughout the day, I was reminded of a scene from the movie Field of Dreams.

That is probably my favorite movie of all time so I can practically recite it line by line. And as God has probably figured out by now, the way to get me to understand something is through movie quotes.

In the movie, a farmer builds a baseball field in his corn so that dead baseball players can come back and play, at great personal and financial cost. Then when he brings retired writer Terrance Mann to see the field, the dead ballplayers invite Mr. Mann into the corn with them to experience the “other side.” You can view the movie clip below.

The farmer, Ray, is upset by this because after all he’s done, they invited his guest into the corn instead of him.

Ray: “I did it all, I listened to the voices, I did what they told me, and not once did I ask what’s in it for me!”

Shoeless Joe Jackson: “What are you saying, Ray?”

Ray: “I’m saying… what’s in it for me?”

Shoeless Joe Jackson: “Is that why you did this? For you? I think you better stay here, Ray.”

I found myself at a place where I was actually jealous of the very people I was ministering to. Who were they to be able to enjoy worship if I wasn’t? Who were they to tell me that “worship was great today, Greg.” Why didn’t I feel the same way?

I was the third wheel again.

I cursed at God. “I did it all, I did what you told me, and not once did I ask what’s in it for me!”

So what are you saying, Greg?

“I’m saying …. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME!”

God spoke to me through that movie because it was then impressed upon me that my role as a worship leader is not always to invite the congregation into my own spiritual experience. Sometimes, it’s just to introduce them to theirs.

Since that week, I’ve learned to accept that every week is not going to be a mountain top experience for me. In fact, most week’s it won’t be. And as much as I try, I can’t manufacture a mountain top experience for the congregation either. However, I do believe that God used that time to help me better understand my role as a worship leader: to introduce people to Jesus, my Lord, whom I love so much I can barely contain myself. The rest is up to God.

This Saturday, February 1, the Worship Arts Ministry from all sites will gather for the fifth annual U. Worship event. They will share stories like this and look at the vision for Worship Arts in the coming year. If you would like to serve the worship teams with music, art, or technical know-how at your site, contact your site worship leader or Jeff Greunke.